#11

A reality: I am ridiculously lucky.
     It's true, I'm probably one of the luckiest people in the world. No matter what I do, it works out my way. Grades, friends, situations, it all just goes along as well as it possibly could. Maybe my it just seems this way because pretty much all my memories lose emotion, so once an events happens, I only think about how it affects the here and now. I don't care that it was horrible at the time. It all seems like something that happened to another person (like my burns). But even if that's why I feel lucky about friends and social situations, I really am lucky in school. If I guess on something, I usually get it right. Or when I don't, everyone else got it more wrong. I'm a ridiculously smart person (I'm still learning just how true this is, it always surprises me a little. Great, now I sound like a self-worshiping douche. Oh, well.), I'm naturally skinny (not muscular, but I'll take skinny over fat), and my family was always good to me. I suppose there's a couple things I'm not so lucky about (glasses, braces, bad posture, etc.) but I can't change them, and I've learned to accept them.
     The reality is, there are only two things that I consider unlucky about myself. One is my depression. And when I actually think about it, mine's not even bad compared to other people's. The only really bad part about it for me is the complete lack of motivation. That and the urge to drink myself to death. But yeah, not that bad. The other thing is something I, again, can't change. However, this one is something that is much harder to accept about myself. This one might actually impact my relationships with people. Some people who come here from certain other blogs may have a good idea what I'm talking about. It's a work in progress. And that's why I say fuck reality. I'm ridiculously lucky to be myself. I'm a extremely smart white male in the United States. My life is pretty much made. But I get hung up on two things about myself. What is wrong with me? Oh, well. All I can try to do is be more grateful and try and improve myself. I still hate that it's a problem in the first place. Fuck reality.