#2

A Reality: I have a fucked up relationship with my friends.
I think I proved that point quite thoroughly in regards to Vee last post. About the only person I actually hang out with outside of class consistently is a guy I'll call Barry. Barry is an interesting guy. He's very quiet and not super social. He still lives in the dorms as a senior. That's not a bad thing, it just says something about his personality (I don't know how it works at other colleges, but here, juniors are pretty rare in the dorms and seniors are probably less than 1 per floor). He talks about the people he works with or is in (concert/marching) band with a lot, but I don't think he really does much with them outside of class or work. Once in a while he'll go to a band party, but that's pretty rare. We lived on the same floor last year and didn't really hang out that much (though our floor was pretty close). This year, we've started hanging out maybe once or twice a week. A lot of times we go to the free (either old or independent) movies down at the student union, which is fun. When we do other things, our conversations often get a little awkward, however. He's a music person, while I'm a science person. Sometimes he'll say things that are blatantly wrong and if I try and hint that he might not have it right, he gets a little irritated. Which is fine; everybody tends to have a hard time admitting they're wrong in casual conversation. It just pisses me off he seems to think he's so scientific because he did well in those classes in high school. When we go get something to eat together when the eating halls are closed, its never a short affair. We get done and he wants to wander around. Which is, again, fine; I can use the exercise. It's just it usually ends up being at least an hour or two and I usually things I want or need to do. He has this tendency to just kinda corner you into things you don't want to do. Like if I stop by his room I end up watching music videos I think are lame for an hour when I just wanted to say hi. That's part of the reason I only hang out with him a couple times a week. When we do have conversations, they are mostly pretty good. He listens to how I have no idea what I want to do with my life and helps me be positive about it. We agree on many issues and can have good conversations about them. Once in a while we find something we don't agree on and he comes up with examples and analogies I don't agree with but can't fight because he won't listen to why I don't like his rhetoric. That's also fine; I just avoid those topics in the future. The one that we don't really agree on that keeps coming up is drinking. He doesn't approve of drinking to get drunk (though he likes to have a beer when he goes out for supper or something: he's not opposed to drinking itself), something I like to do once in a while. I get drunk twice a semester after I have a round of midterms. It's a way for me to relax and actually be social and want to talk to people for once. He seems to think people like me (well not exactly me, the freshmen who go out and get drunk every weekend) are just immature and only enjoy drinking because of the taboo factor.
   So basically what this all boils down to is that by the time I'm done hanging out with him, I almost invariably leave feeling I've had enough of him for quite a while. So why do I always go back later in the week or next week? Pity. I pity the guy. I think he spends so much time holed up in his room. He really enjoys our conversations I think, getting him away from his anime and games. He's not an attractive guy (extremely overweight), isolates himself a lot of the time, and is extremely awkward in conversations when you introduce him to someone new. He's almost painful to watch sometime. He hasn't picked up the art of summarizing stories (something I was bad at in Jr. High and specifically worked to fix) and includes details he really doesn't need to. Granted Barry and Vee are both pretty tolerant of my tangents, but I really only do them in conversations with people I know well. So yeah, I hang out with Barry because I pity him. Which is not a good basis for a friendship. It just doesn't work that well. Just like my relationship with Vee being based on hate. And the sad thing is that these are basically the only two people that I hang out with in college. I have no other friends I haven't drifted away from. A person I hang out with for pity and someone I'm still not sure why I'm friends with. Neither is super healthy I think, and I really need to change that. But I can't. Fuck reality.
    Wow, I think that's enough writing for one day. I had to write a lab report today so that kinda helped fill my quota. I'm still coming off as a little bitch I think, but I guess that's okay. Nobody's reading this anyway. We'll see how much I post this week since I'll be busy (I have four tests. Its the last round of midterms before finals in two weeks). As much as I think I'm portraying myself as a type of person I hate, it is nice to put some of these thoughts down. Until next time.