Procrastination

                So as the title suggests, I should be doing homework right now. Instead I’m going to type up a random post. I still have to put together my presentation, which is in two days, but I should have plenty of time to work on it tomorrow. I’ll talk about how it went and my talk with Dr. P on my weekend journal-ish post. I might try and post that Saturday morning since I leave around noon. I’m really looking forward to being done with class and getting to go home for four weeks before the fall semester.

                So what I decided to talk about on this post was “perfect moments.” I think most people’s perfect moments have to do with one of two things: An incredibly happy/exciting moment/day or spending time with someone(s) you love. Most often the two would go together. Two of my favorite memories do fall into these categories. One is when I opened a letter I’d just gotten in the mail. Me, my little sister, and my parents were all in the car and driving back down the driveway to our house. I opened the letter, read about one line and said “Mother!” and thrust the letter at her. It turned out I had gotten a second scholarship my mom and I had thought my first scholarship had made me ineligible for. I think you can figure out that was my senior year of high school. We probably went out to eat to celebrate after, since that’s what I always demanded for my academic accomplishments lol. My parents still do that for me sometimes. A little family tradition. I suppose the other super awesome news I got in the mail that I really remember was when I got my ACT scores back. I was running around the house going nuts. I’m pretty sure we went out to eat over that one too. I still like the scholarship memory more, thought. The second memory I had in mind was in a car with my best friend from high school and my little sister. I assume we were coming back from a movie since my sister was with us. We had taken a back gravel road home (yeah I live out in the country on a gravel road. I’m not a farm kid either, though our house does literally have corn fields completely surrounding the yard.) and had reached the top of a hill. Off to the left was a gorgeous after-sunset. The sun was completely down, there was just a small glow of orange and yellow, and blue slowly deepening to black. Only the brightest stars could be seen just coming out. Off to the right, miles and miles away, you could barely see thunderheads barely illuminated by the last of the light. The only reason we even noticed them in the first place was that there was faint lightning flashing through them. The two views out the side of the car were both gorgeous. Combined with just getting home from a night out with my friend and sister, it was perfect. That brings to mind another weather related memory. My grandparents live on a farm in a really flat area. One day when we were visiting them, there was a double rainbow outside. You walked out of the house and they went completely over the barn and reached the ground on either side. We weren’t freaking out like that one video, but it was still really cool. It’s still the most complete set of rainbows I’ve ever seen.

                A couple other of my perfect moments don’t have anything to do with people or beautiful sights. They’re these weird frozen moments where life just seems to stop. I always seem to get them when I’m slightly depressed. They’re totally worth it though. They give me a kind of ache that’s lonely but nice at the same time. I can think of three moments, all of them since I came to college. One was walking down a walkway by the chemistry building at my college. It was fall, so all the leaves were yellow. It was late evening and raining lightly, so there was only the faintest gray light outside. Under the trees on the walkway it was dark except for a couple lights. Not the ugly practical street lights, but the nicer more decorative ones they put by walkways and trails and such. The rain dripping from the yellow leaves overhead was caught in the lights and everything seemed frozen for a second. A perfect moment. Another such moment was when I was alone at a bus stop when it was snowing. Again, there was only gray overcast light, but it was during the middle of the day so it was brighter. I looked out at the brick building across from where I was, and seeing the snow falling in contrast to the building…again, it was perfect for just a second. The last was this summer on our second trip to NYC. I had run off from the group I had been with and was by myself. It was super hot out, my feet hurt, and I just wanted to sit down and forget about everything for a bit. I was by a park in the middle of all the buildings, and I was leaning against the fence/wall around it. I look up and see my reflection in the windows of the store across the street. It’s just me, by myself, with a bunch of green in the background. All these were when I was by myself, consisted of some weird feeling brought on by the scene in front of me, and lasted only a second or two. They all made me feel completely alone, but in a good way. I love moments like those.

                So like I said, a random post that doesn’t really have anything to do with anything thing. I’m just procrastinating and wandering through my memories. It is nice to put down my thoughts on things like this once in a while. I just hope I didn’t come off as too sappy and optimistic. I’m really not, trust me. I really only get moments like those when I’m semi-depressed, like I said, and that’s when I’m most sensitive. My stupid male pride is screaming at me to take the word sensitive off, but I’m going to leave it up. It really does fit. Most of the rest of the time I’m really pretty monotonous emotionally. Again I hope I didn’t make a switch to blubbering weirdo from my first posts bitching about things. (Not that I don’t still have things to bitch about. I just haven’t felt like writing one of those entries lately.) Oh, well. I don’t think I have many if any consistent readers anyway, so I can’t care too much. This blog’s all for me anyway. Not that I’m opposed to meeting new people on the internet. That’s just a pleasant side-effect of blogging in my point of view, though. Anyway, that’s enough emotional rambling from me for one day. I’ll go watch videos of sports or something on youtube now, lol. Yay masculine pride. Actually I’m probably going to sleep. Till next time.