So I’ve been home for about a week now. I got delayed in Chicago airport, so I didn’t actually get home until one in the morning or so. It’s nice to see fields again instead of trees everywhere. The only bad thing is that many of the fields don’t look so good. Farmers’ soybeans still look OK, but pretty much every corn field is showing the effects of the lack of rain to some extent. Some are just looking a little yellow, but the farmers should still get something out of them. Others are really stunted, and whoever farms them isn’t going to get much at all. Our yard is completely brown. I’ve never seen it this bad. The frustrating part is that there is rain around. Storms blow up every couple of days, but they either give a negligible amount of rain, or they avoid our area completely. On Wednesday we had a line of showers form a small break in the middle that passed right over our house. Really? The lack of rain wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t so hot out. It was super hot in the beginning of the week. It reached 104° one day and 105° another day. Thankfully it cooled down a little so it’s been in the 80’s the last couple days.
So, yeah, I haven’t done too much since I got back. My mom took me and my little sister to Brave on Sunday. It was alright. It was a little more of a mother-daughter movie, but at least it got me out of the house. I did manage to make myself clean my room. The longest part of this was organizing my textbooks (I don’t sell them back) and notes and deciding which ones I’ll need this fall and where to stash the ones I’m not taking. Then I organized everything I was going to take to college this fall. My little sister (who is going to be a freshman at the same university this fall. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before.) is jealous of how little stuff I have compared to her. She has so much she wants to take to college with her. On Wednesday, mum, little sister, and I went shopping. I didn’t want to go, but decided it would be easier to go to the bank and deal with money stuff myself. We also went to the library, which was another place I wanted to go. But after that, we went a bunch of places where I didn’t need anything. My mom and sister would promise to be done soon and I’d hang out somewhere more interesting to me, but there is only so much looking you can do. I always ended up bored and waiting for them. Shopping like that puts me in a horrible mood while it’s happening, and I have a short temper the rest of the day. It’s fine for a little bit, but after some random point, I’m just super pissed they’re taking so long. I’ll be perfectly calm in the evening, it doesn’t put me in a bad mood for the day, but it hardly takes anything to suddenly get a biting comment or a rant out of me. I guess I just bury my anger so well I don’t even know it’s there until it’s brought to the surface. Oh, well. That’s why I don’t go shopping often. Me and my little sister (let’s just call her Lils from now on) went to Ted on Thursday night. It was OK. I enjoy drug humor, but they relied on the two guys smoking weed way too much. It wasn’t that amusing after about 5 minutes. You know it was over the top, since I love Pineapple Express and Harold and Kumar. Last night, Mum and Lils went to the county fair. I decided I didn’t want to go. I would probably have run into a classmate or two I wanted to see, but other than that, it’s really not that exciting. I can be entertained for an hour or two usually, and they were there four or five hours. So I’m not really sad I didn’t go. I can always see people on my own, no reason to go to the fair to do it. Instead, me and my dad went on a bike ride. The weather was beautiful for it, so it was fun. It’s good for me to get out of the house and do something.
So other than all that, I really haven’t done much. A lot of sitting around the house, a lot of movie watching. I’ve been playing Zelda: The Minish Cap on GameBoy. I’ve been reading some. It’s nice to have unrestricted internet access, but I’m usually not guaranteed enough privacy to go wherever I want online. I miss having my own computer to access the internet freely. It’s kinda been a week of ups and downs. I told my mom I was having more thoughts of hurting myself one night when I was depressed. She was a little disturbed by that. I wouldn’t have told her, except I get a real “fuck it” attitude when I’m depressed. I just don’t care about repercussions. Thankfully, she hasn’t brought it up again. I keep flip-flopping about meds this fall. I know that logically I should take them, but my stubborn side keeps saying I don’t need them, that I can do this on my own. I had a slightly disturbing conversation with Lils. I’ve been getting crazier as I get older. I know it, my family knows it. My conscience isn’t quite as robust as it once was. I really do my best to control myself, but there’s always that chance that one day I’ll snap. It turns out that me and Lils both thought that the crazy gunman out in Colorado could be me. Which is kinda disturbing. I promise I’m not a homicidal maniac right now, but under the right conditions, I can see it happening. Which brings us back to me starting meds. Probably a good idea. So hopefully Dr. H can help me and everything will be a bright and wonderful future. Hooray. To end on a lighter note, we have a bunch of kittens from this spring. They’re all pretty cute, but they’re a little past the cutest stage. I just noticed that two of them (from the same mom) had weird orange eyes. Most cats have yellow eyes, but their eyes are darker. It’s kinda weird. Its more noticeable on one because she’s a weird light orange color. I didn’t know they had such weird eyes before I left because all the kittens had blue eyes when I left. I don’t know if you know this, but all kittens have blue eyes when they open. They’re really pretty when they start turning to the normal yellow. It makes a cool green color. Anyway, that didn’t have anything to do with anything, but just a recent observation. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend (I mean everyone in general, not just my readers, because, let’s face it, I don’t really have any consistent readers). Peace.
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