So I'm in a sort of agitated mood tonight. It's a little hard to describe but it's kind of a mix between frustration, boredom, and depression. Basically it makes me not want to sit down anywhere and just run around crazy. But it's cold out, or else I totally would just go for a walk. My boyfriend is hanging out at his place tonight, which he's been doing more the last week or so. Even though it probably has most to do with him working full time again, you always have that little self doubting part in the back of your mind whispering "Is he losing interest?" Some of that questioning also comes from my own urges. I know that I have mixed feelings about not having done anything sexual with anyone besides him in months. I do enjoy being close to him and being comfortable with him. But at the same time, you can't help but notice other guys when you're out and about and have the urge to sleep with them. My boyfriend would be ok with a threesome, but the friend I would like to set one up with (me and my boyfriend have had a threesome with him before, but that was before we were officially dating) works full time and it's hard to find time that works for all of us. You people probably don't want to read about my sex life, but it's my blog :P haha. I don't know if anybody (of my very few followers) is in a relationship, but any advice you could give me about relationships and dealing with these kinds of insecurities/feeling would be welcome. So yeah that's part of the reason I'm kinda fidgety tonight.
Another reason I'm in my mood tonight is because I was arguing with my sister earlier. I'm a very logical person by nature and I can't help but change my views after arguing with someone/looking at them from a new perspective/gaining new information. It's just sort of happened as I've grown up. I don't like to admit I'm wrong, and the mulling over after the argument/self examination/learning whatever isn't really fun. So that's part of it. However, my sister used the "I'm not going to convince you, and you're not going to convince me" line during the argument. That bothers me, that my mind keeps replaying my views and "tweaking" them (a large contribution to my unsettled feelings this evening) and I have no reason to believe she's taking any notice of my views. This is a large reason why I hate arguing with people. I pretty much never have my views entirely changed, but I at least end up looking at them in a new way. However, I'm always convinced the other person isn't doing that after the argument. Of course they very may well be. I have no idea what's going on in their heads. I probably came off just as stubborn and inflexible and unreasonable in my views as they did during the argument. Which also makes me disappointed in myself, yet another source of my mood this evening. If any of you were wondering what the argument was about, I'll just say I'm a minimalist in many areas: belongings, surroundings, social views, world views, what scientific (both natural and social) research should be funded. I like things simple and not over crowded most of the time. Occasionally I do get the urge for a loud, noisy, busy place (it's rare), and those places are perfectly possible to find. It's harder to get time to yourself. If nothing else, I end up on the internet, a place just as loud and full of other people as the physical world (if not more so). That or I end up on blogs with sexy pics (damn you tumblr! lol).
That's probably not the best, clearest, or most concise way to go over my issues for the evening, but I thing typing this has definitely helped. It's good to put my thoughts and feelings into words and work through them that way. Of course that's why I started this blog in the first place. I haven't needed it in a while, but it can still serve its purpose. Hope everyone has a good evening, week, month, or however long it is until I post again. Who know. 'Til then.
